Why we often fail at failure?

Why we struggle and how to overcome it

Photo by the blowup on Unsplash

Failure is an inevitable part of life, yet many people find it difficult to cope with setbacks and disappointments. Whether it's a failed project at work, a rejected application, or a personal goal that hasn't been met, failure can be a painful and challenging experience. But why do we often struggle so much with failure, and what can we do to become more resilient in the face of adversity?

One of the primary reasons people struggle with failure is fear. We fear judgment from others, worried that they may see us as inadequate or incompetent. We fear disappointing ourselves and those around us, feeling like we've let everyone down. We also fear the unknown, unsure of what the future may hold if we don't succeed. These fears can paralyze us, preventing us from taking risks and trying new things.

Another significant factor contributing to our struggle with failure is perfectionism. Perfectionists often set unrealistically high standards for themselves, believing that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. This mindset can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and a fear of failure. When perfectionists do fail, they may view it as a reflection of their own inadequacy rather than an opportunity for growth.

Related to perfectionism is the concept of a fixed mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities and intelligence are static traits, and they may see failure as evidence of their own limitations. This perspective can lead to a lack of motivation and a reluctance to take on new challenges.

Failure can evoke strong emotional responses, such as aversion, confusion, and fear. We may experience an aversion to failure because it is often associated with negative emotions like disappointment, frustration, and embarrassment. This aversion can lead to avoidance behaviors, where we shy away from challenging situations to prevent the possibility of failing.

Confusion is another common emotional response to failure. When we don't understand why we failed or what we could have done differently, it can lead to frustration and a sense of helplessness. This lack of clarity can make it harder for us to learn from our mistakes and move forward.

Society often places a high value on success and achievement, which can create immense pressure to avoid failure at all costs. From a young age, we are taught that failure is undesirable and that success is the ultimate goal. This pressure can make it difficult for people to develop the emotional resilience needed to cope with setbacks.

Moreover, if someone has not experienced much failure in their life, they may not have had the opportunity to develop the skills and coping mechanisms necessary to handle it effectively. This lack of experience can make failure feel even more overwhelming and challenging to overcome.

To become more resilient in the face of failure, it's essential to adopt a growth mindset. People with a growth mindset view failure as an opportunity for learning and development, rather than a reflection of their own limitations. They understand that abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and perseverance.

Another crucial step in overcoming the fear of failure is to separate our self-worth from our outcomes. We are not defined by our successes or failures, and it's important to remember that setbacks are a normal part of the learning and growth process.

Developing emotional resilience is also key to coping with failure. This involves learning to manage stress, regulate emotions, and maintain a positive outlook in the face of adversity. Techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, and positive self-talk can be helpful in building emotional resilience.

Finally, embracing failure as a valuable learning experience is crucial for personal and professional growth. By reflecting on our failures and identifying areas for improvement, we can gain valuable insights and skills that will serve us well in the future.

Failure is a natural and inevitable part of life, but it doesn't have to define us. By understanding the reasons behind our struggle with failure – fear, perfectionism, emotional responses, societal pressure, and lack of resilience – we can take steps to overcome these challenges. Adopting a growth mindset, separating our self-worth from our outcomes, developing emotional resilience, and embracing failure as a learning opportunity are all essential strategies for becoming more resilient in the face of adversity.

Remember, failure is not the opposite of success; it's a stepping stone towards it. By changing our perspective on failure and viewing it as a valuable part of the learning and growth process, we can become more adaptable, resilient, and ultimately more successful in all areas of our lives.